甚至在感恩节前，好多美国人已经摆上了圣诞的装饰，圣诞节，从来都是一年一度的大事……

而我，现在正在强烈的struggle 当中，不知道今年，这个圣诞，要何去何从~~~

Tyler要回国，Jenny也会去Florida吧，我呢？

去年的芝加哥之行，很有筋疲力竭的感觉，温馨的family time, 疯狂的Bride Shower，似乎透支了太多的快乐~~ 今年Kari已经结婚了，再一起的话，总觉得有点那个什么…… 虽然我很喜欢她的家人，而且去年就说好今年会一起去Iowa，但是总是有些犹豫着……当时还想着，这个圣诞在Iowa还可以去给小辉姐一个惊喜， 谁知道小辉姐也最后决定回国了，而且与曦曦和花小岁相约重庆，我就这样眼睁睁的看着也回不去……总之，这趟去Iowa的旅程，有点鸡肋之累……

Murphy不停的用传说中的加勒比海岸诱惑我，盛名而美丽的Cancun, 没有雪的冬天，嗯，心动，却没有办法行动……先不说来回的机票我要好好考虑一下，就是来回都需要再签证的繁琐，让我这样的懒人，望而却步……

St. Louis的Urbana conference同样的吸引我，不过，去的人里面，稍微熟识一点的，都是couple……虽然灯泡已经当习惯了，不过瓦数太高终究是害人害己的~~~

呆在Berea，说不定是个不错的主意，只是看着那热闹都是别人的，怕自己到时候耐不住寂寞，干出什么傻事……

今年的冬天，很有些反常，10月初就下了大雪，但现在却风和日丽, 气候宜人……

昨天，在绚烂的阳光中还假装强壮了一把，穿了次短袖……艳阳高照的下午，坐在一家漂亮的甜品店，吃到了久违的提拉米苏，还喝到了珍珠奶茶，幸福和不安相遇，心情和天气一样没了调理~~~ 乱糟糟的~~~

于是我吃了很多很多的甜食，却还是不知道要怎么办……

迷茫中……

I am right on the spot to face this problem now. How close is close? And how far is far? 

 Does closeness mean living in the next door or meeting each other often? Does farness mean living at the other side of earth or intangible? To tell you the truth, I’m truly confused right now~~~

 Things are variable in this world, that nobody could predict what would happen in the next second. Would I regret ever meeting someone or never coming across them? Which should be regretted more? What about saying love someone but you never do, or never get a chance to say you love them? Which hurts more?

 Another question: should I measure the familiarity of friends through years gone by? The ones know you forever but actually know nothing about you, and the strangers lift up helping hands when you are in miry clay, who is closer? Even more, who should I call as my friend? Someone is around but unattainable? Someone stays actually intangible but always supportive? Someone stands in front of you but never know what you are talking about? Someone is far away, but understands you and share all your happiness and sorrow?

 I tost and turned these nights with all those disappointing questions.

 People come and leave in years. Precious memories and sweet tears are the gifts from growth, which are invaluable comparing with the unprizable bitterness and hardness. Conflicts and rubbing off are twins. As Murphy said, it is always easier to find other’s fault in a dispute. That is so true. Asking for support by your side won’t be as effective as trying to stand yourself the other side. As a result, understanding and communication are the only ways to get things through. 

“If anyone says, “I love God,” yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen.” My Lord told me so. I might be the one keeping too much stupid self-respect in misunderstandings. Otherwise, I'm just too serious about what is true?  However, if I have enough love, I should be able to comprehend all the emotionality. Or there's no way to have enough Love as God does in front of injustice? “Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” Could I be that one? Or I’m still far from that? Close or far, just like to be or not to be, it is still a question.